The iPhoney 5

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Ken O’Brien
I don’t know who to feel sorrier for, Barack Obamaor the American public.
Mitt Romney is like some kind of freakishFrankenstein’s monster created by Steve Jobs as a parting joke.
Last night we witnessed the unveiling of the all new iPhoney 5. Let me take you for a moment through this product line’s evolution. 
The iPhoney 1 debuted in 1994 as a candidate toreplace Ted Kennedy as US Senator from Massachusetts.
The iPhoney 2 gained prominence in 2002 when it waselected Governor of Massachusetts.
The iPhoney 3 was a candidate for the Republican nominationfor President in 2008 before being outsold by McCan’t reboot.
And, just prior to last night, we witnessed the dominanceof the iPhoney 4 on its long march toward gaining the Republican nomination forPresident in 2012, eclipsing the McCan’t reboot with its Palin 1.0 add-ons.
At each stage following the iPhoney 1, subsequentmodels acquired new affectations (Affs) while shedding previous, outdated (i.e. inconvenient) ones.By the time the iPhoney 4 rolled out it was totally unrecognizable as whatstarted out as the iPhoney 1.
That brings us to 9 pm October 3, 2012 and theunveiling of the iPhoney 5. Gone was the tax plan Aff, even though it was claimed to remain the same,  but with different computational algorithms employing irrationalnumbers.
The Health Care Aff from the iPhoney 2 had returned,but it was genetically modified so that it could escape proof of parentage tothe current Affordable Care Act.
A new mapping and global positioning Aff was viewedby knowledgeable insiders as defective, but the public accepted its ability to be simultaneously in multiple positions all at the same time.
These, as well as a number of other innovative Affs, known to insiders as the smoke and mirrors upgrade, confounded the competitor and its sales and technical support staffs leaving them dazed and disoriented, victimized as they were by a commitment to facts, logic and common sense.

As a result the new iPhoney 5 was lauded as aremarkable improvement by the preview audience whose willing suspension ofdisbelief was more accurately described as extreme gullibility.
Once again the creators of the iPhoney 5 havevalidated the venerable dictum of P.T. Barnum of how frequently a particularpersonality type is born.


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